amma(:

2012-01-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

" The only reason you should give up on that love is because she doesn't love you anymore. Even if there's just a little bit of hope, a little bit of love, take a chance. You need to have more faith in yourself. At the same time when you think about leaving, that thought alone kills you, right? And now you're lost because you don't know whether to stay or to leave? Just stay. Cause I believe someday she'll realize that for the better or for the worse, you were there. "

- adfb

2011-12-27T08:54:00.000-08:00

When they still hold on to that feeling of chase although they know they've got you. When they couldn't fit in to you perfectly, but you can see she's actually trying. There's the effort. And that's when I'd say she might be the one.

MERRY CHRISTMAS XOXO

2011-12-24T10:40:00.000-08:00

2011-12-03T19:48:00.001-08:00

Everytime i'm home it feels like I'm not home at all. Seems like everyone's been turning their back on me and here i am not starting to give a fuck about anything. I'm upset, tired and angry. And i wish someone in this house actually cares. But everyone's too far up their ass to actually come up to you and simply ask if you're alright. Just don't fucking expect anything from this family, cause everyone's moving at their own pace and we're all sitting here under one roof just cause we're a 'family'.

2011-12-01T19:57:00.000-08:00

2011-12-01T06:12:00.000-08:00

As we wake up in your room
Your face is the first thing I see
The first time I've seen love
And the last I'll ever need
You remind her that your future
Will be nothing without her
Never lose her, I'm afraid
Better think of something good to say
But it's all been done more than once
I'll keep on trying

2011-11-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'm scared of myself. Everyone says we're our own worst critics. But I literally take things to heart. I dwell on it, take it to my little cave and analyze it until i see how to fix it. I hate when people constantly remind me of the things I'm not doing. Because then it consumes me. I can't think of anything else. And I take it and hide in my dark hole and can't stand to let anyone else in. It makes me a cold and bitter person, and that scares me.

2011-10-27T05:46:00.001-07:00

she's a rare breed, matter of fact, she's an endangered species. her heart's been broken and just like mine it remains in pieces. but everytime we're near each other smile is all we can do. our shattered souls intertwine. i know i've felt the same agonising pain that she's been through. i find comfort in her grasp so i reach out with both arms.

2011-10-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

I don't put my feelings out there. I hate letting others know how i actually feel inside. Cause when i do they'll realise how weak, pathetic and insecure i actually am. I keep things to myself. I don't like thinking about things too much cause i know if i do it's gonna wear me out. So i simply leave it there, try to move the fuck on and hopefully it will still be there where i left it. But sometimes it comes back to you and fuck with your head. And that's when i run away from it all over again.

2011-09-24T07:03:00.001-07:00

2011-09-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

" If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit,

then you deserve it. "

2011-09-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

There's so many things going on in my life right now i feel so drained & tired. I wana run so far away & hopefully when i get back things will be the same. But things will never be the same. I always fuck everything up. Always have, always will.

2011-09-15T01:58:00.000-07:00

I want a real small room. So small that when you open the bedroom door, you can just flung yourself straight to bed. I'll have my walls painted turquoise & i'll hang posters & pictures of people on them. I'll use blinds on the windows so the sunlight won't come in. & you don't need no wardrobe, no shelves, just a small table-lamp on a small wooden desk. A big comfy bed with small little red pillows and super comfy big blanket you can bury yourself in. I'll have like a compartment under the bed for my clothes & my black guitar will forever be standing at the corner of the room.
I would be super glad to stay home.

2011-09-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

more than happy.

2011-09-12T00:42:00.000-07:00

Dan's adorable blueberry muffins.

Norish's beautiful picture frame.

Adrian & nab's coustic birthday song. Nabilah's cinnamon melts. The two of us tryna surprise each other at midnight. #FAIL.

Games by the beach. Jason Mraz's I'm Yours for random chinese lady getting married the next day.

Norish having to put her hands in a rubbish dump.

Rolling in the sand. Nab digging her own grave on her birthday.

I had to get myself to touch a bird at 7am in the morning. Yes it is impossible. Then to adrian's Da'Sex house. Karaoke. Went drinking for the first time. Shutter. Got home & found Syayie's letter in the mail!! :D

Thank you my little syayie princessss!
And then met my lovelies again the next day.

Another mafacking sweet surprise from my little darling babies. You guys are so bloody cute i can't stand it i feel like biting you guys off i swear to god.

Plus i got a little gift all the way from china! Singsong session from the little hairless creature & her band, The Hoodies. Ahh there's another thing i feel like biting off. So mafacking cute.

I feel so blessed to have friends like you. Although it was just another day, you guys made it freaking special and i love every single moment of it.
Norish, Dan, Nabilah, Adrian, Sharifah, Ilyas, Sofea, Farid, Aamil, Jay, Asren and hailing all the way from Tianjin, China, Atiqa Nazira. Thank you! ♥

2011-09-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHYUKYHUKHYUK =.=

2011-09-08T00:28:00.000-07:00

You know how i suck at relationships. How my feelings come and go easily. How i've got some serious commitment issues. But when i see my friends with their partners, i suddenly feel alone. I used to think who needs relationships when you have friends. But it's different, definitely different. The love you get from your friends is never the same as those feelings you get when she holds you down to your waist, put her arms around your neck, hug you so tight from the back. That, i miss. But at the same time, i don't want to rush. I don't want to seem like some pathetic whore who just needs someone to cling on to just cause she's been miserably alone. This time, i don't want to be throwing my feelings around. This time, it's not going to be the same. I promise.

2011-09-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry i cried too much that night. Have fun in Ching Chong Ling Long Land alright ^^

2011-08-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

I love you Mom. I love you Dad.
I promise I'll do my best in life to make you proud.
I'll be a good daughter & make neither of you get too tied up with me. I'm sorry if i've ever been rude to you or mad at you or annoy you. If there's any point of time you had told me to go do something but i blatantly refuse, sorry. Or like recently you told me to go hang the curtains in room for raya but i'm simply too lazy and i kinda got frustrated at you. Or you're always mad at me for sleeping at 5 in the morning but i just wouldn't listen to you telling me to go to sleep. And i'm sorry that i'm always coming home late at night and sometimes in the morning & you couldn't go to bed cause someone's gotta open the door since i've got no keys. And omfg i'm so fcuking sorry the other time I walked in while you guys were getting it on HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA SORRY!
I love you guys. You've really brought me up so well & i've got nothing to give in return to make up for every single thing you've did for me.
You're the best!

2011-08-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

We promised not to fall for each other, that it's possible for us to be more than friends but definitely less than lovers. That we'll always be there when things screw us up. We promised not to forget our friends if any of us were to be in a relationship. We promised we will never walk out on our friendship.

But fuck. We just have too much in common.
9 september, 9 september. 114219, 114209. S9433****E, S9433***D. Green, green. Bathe with my panties on, she showers with her panties on.
Sometimes it's annoying :]

2011-08-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

what did i do on the weekends? i wuzz too busy being a dyke. HAHAHAHA you're welcome sharifah :D

so here's the story - apparently this dude is totally into her & she's getting sick of it so she told him, SHE'S GAY, that she already have a girlfriend. so who's zhe girlfriend? ME.

we tried rubbing it in his face. trust me, i was really into it. while that dude was there i hugged her by the waist, played with her hair, adjust her necklace from the back, quickly made her hook her arms on mine. HAHAA OVER SIA AKU. omg but it's bloody freaking weird cause she's like my friend. my best friend! >.< and i did tried my best to pull off the closest dyke look - sports bra, boxers, bermudas, my dad's black tee. d'you know it's mafacking hard to find what to wear? all my clothes are all effing too girly. and y'know all along i tried not to act all bimbotic like i am. i made sure i laughed, NOT GIGGLE, sit without having my legs so close together. and we were super touchy feely and mushy at times we got disgusted with ourselves hahaha.
so girls, i'm up for it. who needs me to become their next stand up girlfriend? or perhaps a real one? MUAHAHAHHAA ok no!

no really. i was really kiddin' about the latter option ._.

Well, holy moly, me-oh-my, you're the apple of my eye Girl, I never loved one like you.

2011-08-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

2011-08-18T01:53:00.000-07:00

Something I would hold on to ♥

2011-08-06T11:05:00.001-07:00

you really wana know what i want?

i want to wake up at 2 in the morning and sneak my way out of the house. i want to lie under the stars. i wana climb on rooftops. i want to walk through the highway in the middle of the night and run when there's cars coming our way. i want to sneak my friends up to my room and they'll hide under the bed when we hear footsteps coming. i want to swim in the sea and take our clothes off in the water. i wonder how it feels like to lie on the sand with the breeze. i want to dash across an empty, open field. i want to raid the entire city while everyone's asleep. i want to jump from car to car. i want to stay over at a friend's place and paste our pictures on the wall. i want to discover a place where it's somewhere only we know. i want to do something really dumb in public and run away laughing. i wana be able to sit on a 10th-storey-high parapet looking over the streets and just talk about life. i want us to spend the entire night together and take the first bus home.

and then i'll flung straight to bed and fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night and begin our late-night adventures all over again.

no we don't have to be smoking, drinking, taking drugs or having sex. for once, i wana have those kinda fun where i feel like i'm not obligated to anything or anyone. cause one day i don't want to be looking back & realised the little things i've missed while i'm still a teenager. i want a fucking interesting life which i can constantly look forward to.

2011-08-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

2011-08-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

this gives me something to blog about :D

i like how excited we can get with the little things we do. like it was our first time ever we're taking the public train together and norish was telling us how she wanted to get interviewed while walking on orchard like how they do it on TV. so hohoho guess what. God decided to grant her wish and we were interviewed by some SP students about presidential election and watched this girl perform acoustic live on stage. and since topshop didn't quite grasp our attention we decided to shop at topman. and me & norish bought these 2 cute men's top that looks so freaking adorbssss!

dangggg. trust me, town is so freaking happening on a friday night. saw hot girls & familiar faces like hassan, yayah, faerah & atiqa. it's really kinda surprising that atiqa actually remembers how i look like. whooooot! tengok aku dah bilang kau town happening giler biler nak dekat weekends. fuhhh especially kat cineleisure, ya ampun. boleh cuci mate siolzxc.

ok ok anyway. it was simply nice sitting and talking to Dan and Norish about life. i love you guys. i really do. let's do this again some time ok ♥

2011-07-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

you guys know i have a phobia of lifts. YES LIFTS. so this fateful morning when i'm about to go to school and the lift door closes and suddenly the lift kinda 'dropped' twice and i fucking freaked out and i started swearing and i was crying. then the lift door opened and i can only see half of the ground level so i kinda jumped out of the lift to the ground floor. and since i live at the 11th floor, the highest storey here, the number thing displayed a 16th floor when i'm only at the 9th storey. LIKE WHURT THE FARK. i got traumatised. please, just please. scare me with anything else there is, but PLEASEEE. not the lift. not when i am in the freaking lift. pleaseeee.

ahhh fuck that was the scariest moment of my life.

2011-07-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

yes that was what i've always wanted to do. sitting with the wind doing nothing, just talking about life. so yes. that's what we did. Yayyyy deeeeeee!

2011-07-15T04:45:00.000-07:00

being the person that i am, i can never take myself seriously. i like people. i like people too fast. when i see them, i like em and i'll go for them and then my feelings receded and i'll go back to square one. that's how i roll. i still wana have fun. i don't wana be putting a label on something and just be committed to one person. cause when you do, feelings get involved and people get hurt. and i don't wana be responsible for that pain. so for now, let me have fun while i still can.

2011-07-13T08:08:00.001-07:00

maybe all these while i find it uncomfortable being around you two. maybe all these while I've been acting all nice and smiley to actually hide my actual feelings. yes i find it awkward. the more i'm there the more annoyed i become. no i am not jealous. i really am not. i just irks me. i'm just thinking maybe you're doing all this just to get back at me. maybe, just maybe. think about it. you're putting yourself in a position where people would think that you're deliberately doing all this. so how would you feel if i actually started dating someone you're close with and begin flaunting myself right infront of everyone and make out with em right in front of you along with all your other friends? just put yourself in my shoes. you would feel annoyed and uncomfortable too wouldn't you? after all we used to have something in between didn't we. spare a thought. at least please realise people do have feelings.

2011-07-09T02:13:00.000-07:00

Yes i am that superficial. The first thing i notice about someone is the way they dress, how they look, the way they do their hair and how they carry themselves. Personally, i like girls who can simply throw on a pair of jeans with tanktops or a shirt and they can still look as sexy as hell. Just don't look sloppy and unkempt. It's honestly a turn off.

2011-07-03T03:10:00.000-07:00

Ahhh awesome night. RP and NYP match yesterday, 2-0. SO PROUD! So freaking proud. And we went out for dinner after that, talked, staightened things out, played soccer a lil bit, played truth or dare, make out with each other. Hell yes we do play a freaking lot of dares among us. And yes, we make out among us girls. Hell yes.
And ever since i'm in soccer, i do miss Norish and Dan.

2011-06-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

I wana get a belly and an industrial piercing pleaseee

2011-06-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

For the past few days i've been seeing this old man under my block sitting on his wheelchair with this thing around his head that looks like a cast. Y'know, like he's wearing a cast around his forehead. And every morning i'll see him sitting there alone, when i'm walking home at night he'll still be there. Like he's not doing anything at all, just sitting and looking across the park. He's starting to scare the shit outta me.

2011-06-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've got short attention span. Yes i do get bored easily.

2011-06-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

I had one of the best weekend ever. Gotta meet tons of girls - especially mandy whom i gotta know on tumblr!! And ofcourse that sexy aisyahh and deee, ohmygod. Got raped in the middle of the field, took pictures with superrr hottt girlsssss. And i actually saw allen and i got so shocked i hugged her from the back and walked offf. I swear i wanted to cry. I badly wanted to talk to her. And ofcourse there's some ups and downs along the way. There's some who simply got on my nerves. C'mon, don't make people feel bad for having fun when you are the one who's socially awkward. But it's alright let's not talk about it.
Omg i just love how Pink Dot make you feeeel that it is okay to be gay, with the LGBT community altogether with you in one place. I feeel like at least i do belong somewhere. Damn i really wouldn't miss it for the world ♥

2011-06-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so what have i done this past week? I jogged 3km for 20mins past midnight with my big sister and i got so happy cause along the way i didn't stop and walk or things like that. That's the first :D

Then I had a sleepover, watched meangirls, pizzas, played hotel626 and asylum626 in the middle of the night.

Then my only annoying big brother got married.

I watched Laddaland till midnight with sharifah aishya. Went to pasir ris and bugis with shabrina. Tried dressing like a butch on tuesday so that girls in school will check us out.

Window-stalking into each other's classrooms.

Had training on tuesday and i went to the girl's locker room at about 7 to change before going home and there's that particular cute malay girl that i'm always checking out sitting at the bench, and hot sweaty girls walking around the changing room in sports bra. UNFFFF. and I started playing soccer in school, in between classes, after classes along the corridor, at this dewan near norish's house at woodlands. I'm starting to get the hang of it. Wow omg i didn't know soccer can be really fun.
And i get to kiss kellice on the lips twice and it wassss sooooo ( insert word ) Plus i got to know simin, the cutest chinese gay girl i've ever met.

and that. Fifit actually put this up on her blog MYGAWDDD. Hehh. I too feel that i'm getting way too attached with these guys. BUT I LOVE IT. I love the fact that we check out girls together everywhere, nudging and making eye contact with each other if there's a cute girl along the way, coming up with outrageous ideas to bring to school when we're walking home after class and best of all, I love having that countless hugs we get from each other everyday that just doesn't seem to wear off. NYEHEHEHE. You guys can be really weird and obnoxious yet so wonderful. Thank you dan, fifit, norish, deeena, eve and whoever else there is for being so damn bloody fucking awesome.

2011-06-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

Ok y'know what. I actually like spending time with her alone. Like when we go out ice-skating just the two of us, went jamming at chinese garden, just randomly meet her out and making stupid videos with her, go town together, ate supper till 3 in the morning, sit and talk and laugh and cry all together. I like that. I love those kinda friendship where you can be open to each other about almost anything and you're not afraid or embarrassed to bawl infront of em. I like having atleast that one friend whom i can play around with and have really serious deep-talks to at the same time.
Honestly, i feel like i don't really know where the others have gone to and i feel like there's only me and sharifah who's left behind, who's not committed to anything or anyone at the time, so that's the reason why we can just call each other up and hang out.
Where'd you guys go?

2011-06-05T04:50:00.000-07:00

So we had a blast playing around at the beach. We were dancing and shuffling in the water, took our pants off at the count of three, first time ever showered in my panties at the open shower, talking about relationships while burying our legs in the sand, raided Toys-r-us, got Norish mad calling her fat. O and suddenly there were fireworks while we were sitting at vivo skypark and how Dan and Feefit thought we were so blessed having us as friends and how Norish said our first outing together was perfect. HAHAHA YAYY. I <3 you guys.

2011-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

Farmer girl. No wait wait. A cute farmer girl. An absolutely insanely adorable farmer girl. Hehehehe.
NOT.

2011-05-29T08:37:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when I listen to you talking about other girls, about how nice they've been to you, suddenly i feel useless. They treat you all good, they're always there when you need them and they randomly give you texts asking if you're okay. But i'm not like that. I wouldn't know if you're not okay unless you tell me. I can't skype till 8 in the morning cause if i did my mom will kill me. I'm not sweet. I don't like being all mushy and romantic. I'm still a newborn, i'm clueless about things. I'm definitely not the type of girl you can picture being with 2 years down the road. No i'm not that girl.

I told you how i feel about you but you know how i'm not gonna make any commitments. So now i still wonder what are you waiting for? Never mind my feelings but you could simply just get going hitting on other girls after i've said all that. You've got so many girls on your list you could easily pick any of them. Sometimes i really wonder why me?

2011-05-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

( ignore those dumb fly-aways )
FUCK YEAAA ?@*&%$*! NYOHOHOHOHO.

2011-05-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Ok. That was totally an impromptu idea. Like it was only yesterday norish suggested we could have our piercings done if we've got nothing on after school. I honestly thought we would back out on this since we're not really serious into getting one. But wtf HAHAHA. Nonetheless, i love it. And thank you norish for bringing me around woodlands to get your tongue and my monroe pierced. Love you!

2011-05-22T03:55:00.000-07:00

2011-05-05T07:44:00.001-07:00

I love you Alex Chia ♥

2011-05-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

I want their guitar and i want tegan.

2011-05-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

2011-05-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

They do not judge people. They make you feel better even though you know you're different. They don't do handshakes, they hug all the time. I feel like i've known them for years <3

2011-04-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

I like everything about her. From her hair to her brows to her eyes to her lashes to her smile to her neck to her collarbone ( I AM NOT KIDDING ) to her arms to her fingerssss ~ NYEHEHEHE OK NO. And deeeeenaaaa, i love your ever-soo-seductive smile, your smell, your hugs and especially your goodnight texts. You're too gorgeous.

Ok I've got nothing to do now. I'm currently waiting for Dee to get home and we'll be on skype again. Sorry if I sound like a psychotic freak up there. Really can't help it.

2011-04-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

I need to vent.

I am not afraid to be gay. I am already at the point where I don't care anymore. I don't care about what people around me thinks, I don't care what they gotta say. Whatever. Why do people have to make such a big deal about your sexuality when it doesn't even change a thing about you as a person? I look like everyone else. I talk like everyone else. I behave like everyone else. But once they hear you're GAY, they'll change their entire prospective about you. They'll automatically use your gaydom to define you. It sucks doesn't it? But that's how people in the mainstream have always been. They're too shallow. They think just because you have a different preference for love, you're not normal, you're disgusting, you're retarded and you're completely out of the main line. To be honest, I do get angry and upset. People think gayness just happens in a snap. That you've suddenly just decided to be one. And that you can just change it whenever you want to. But sadly it is not. Sometimes I do wish it's as easy as that. Like who initially even want to be lesbian? Is that even a want in the first place? Did you guys even WANT to be straight? No. You genuinely have feelings for the opposite sex. You're genuinely attracted to the opposite sex. But that's not the case for some people. Of course I started off dating boys and stuff. Like c'mon, every lesbian in the world went through that cause apparently that's how everyone was " suppose " to be. But gradually i found myself falling for girls and it's way stronger than how i've ever felt with boys. That I am very sure of. But y'know what. I don't bother trying to explain myself. These people will never get it. It's fucking pointless and it is never easy. Your closest friends you've known for years might dislike you, they'll turn their back on you, they would disagree with you being with a girl. But dammit. I don't need your agreement about my sexuality. Are you really kidding me. If they're even your best friend, they'll not even see that as a barrier of you guys being best buddies like you've always been. They shouldn't see that as a stain to your friendship. That's not how it works. Ironically the new friends i've made over the past week made no big deal about my gaydom so why are you being so dramatic? Even our government is thinking of electing a gay MP, so why should people be so negative towards gay people? It's annoying. All this shit about gay people is annoying. Not everyone has curly hair, round eyes, tall. Not all boys wear jeans to school. Not all girls like wearing skirts. Not everyone likes vegetables. Some girls prefer wearing oversized t-shirts than sexy tanktops. And too bad some girls just prefers pussies.

2011-04-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

So during study break today i was watching everyoneisgaydotcom and fiercelyaaron cause i was bored and my classmate was like, ' are you even straight? '

2011-04-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is embarassing but here you go Shepah!

2011-04-24T01:58:00.000-07:00

To let you know, I'm not the type of girl who loves talking on the phone at night and ramble about things. In fact, i don't even like picking up my phone if someone calls me up cause, i don'tknow. I find it annoying. It's kinda disgusting talking to your boo on the phone at night with your stupid shagged voice like that. Basically i don't fancy late night calls. But wait. Skype in the midddle of the night till 3am is a whole different thing. Nyehehe hohoho.
And wait. This post is actually for someone cause apparently i owe her one. But i honestly got nothing to say.

So, hey you. Maybe i'll write something about you when i think of one k. I can't think right now and i've totally got nothing to say. I'm mentally raped. Hohoho if you know what i mean :D

2011-04-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

Her eyes, her brows, her collarbones :D

2011-04-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

Had our lappy down yesterday, so we taped shit, Enjoy :D

2011-04-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

GIRLS, MORE GIRLS, AND BLOWJOBS.

2011-04-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ok i'm fucking loving my new school with my new friends. And i can't wait for lessons to start on mondayyyy ~

So today. It was freaking retardedly awesome in school today. All the 5 schools in rp played games on the field and we got so patriotic and got our face painted and people were drawing whiskers and the 2 lines under the eyes thingy but as usual i drew my beard and moustache HOHOHO. And when i was walking to get something from my bag there's this girl who randomly called me out and said that i was looking cute with my stache and beard and told me to get my specs off and she said like Ehh so cute and stuff. Ok omg lemme tell you something. THIS GIRL. This girl who said i was cute. THIS GIRL. From the first day of orientation i was actually eyeing this girl cause she herself is so goodlooking with her blonde streaks and plaid shirt and cap. From the moment she called me out to the moment she wiped out her iphone and started adding me on facebook i was like ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Ok anyway, then they had this random dj turning off the lights and we started partying. Like actually clubbing in school sia. Happening sia. Trust me, my friends norish, afiqah, danial, fira, sam, nabihah and even aisyah who wear tudung also know how to dance to crazy songs like that and i was just moving on the spot didn'tknow how to dance HUHU pathetic man. And at night they had this crazy party again at the rp rooftop and that deena girl i was talking about came up and we ran off to another block and we left our friends and started hanging out together eating jellybeans. And yes i did told her i like her and then we found out we had a thing going on and i was like WTF OMG YESSAH YESSAH! Fyi my friends do know about my crush with her and they know that me and danny are like the two 'odd' ones there and gosh they really didn't give a fuck and were super nice about it. Plus deena taught me how to beatbox SEXY OR WHAT! SEXY SIAAA ~

2011-04-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

2011-04-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

Tmrw's the last day of orientation and so far it's really awesome. Like the rp freshies are freaking cool & literally random people who sit beside me will come say "Hey what's your name" and if we happen to be in the same course we'll be like highfive-ing and knucklepunching, coolio. And by the way i got this coursemate who's like super cute and he's like, y'know, like a soft boy. Like the type who sings rebecca black's friday bimbotically while standing in the field with his iphone. Ok wait btw that's literally how i met him. He was singing friday while we're having games and i turned and was like "ohmygod you so cute." So anyway we hang out quite alot and i was paired with him during games today. And this darnial said, eh i like your hair and i playfully said yaaa hahahaha it's the lesbian haircut hahahaha and he said wait so you're a lesbian? So i went ahead and asked are you gay? Erm yeah i'm gay so you really like girls? And i went O omg yes. And we high-fived and he was ohmygod thank god now i've gotta friend. Gosh really how fucking cute is that? And i like how we're comfortable with each other. Like i've just met this boy Azio and he was so freaking cool and we were dancing the soulja boy crank dat retardedly all over the place and whoaa he is crazy. Ok in other words everyone there is crazy, really.
O YAA BY THE WAY. You know how i told you i know nothing about new media? And when i was talking to my friends they too had no clue what our course is about. So today we found out. New media includes things like designing, photography, video editing, video, movie and music production.

O FUCK YEAH.

2011-04-08T07:55:00.001-07:00

2011-04-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe one day you'll come back. Or maybe that's just not gonna happen.

2011-04-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Dannielle is so precious can i seriously marry her <3

2011-04-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

For the past 4 days i've been staying over at my sister's place and we had plenty of sister time. We slacked at home, watched lotsa discovery channel, hang out at town when we're just bored at home, got mistaken for japanese people just because we know the word ' kawaii ', bleached my sister's eyebrows, then retardedly drawing back her brows, coloured my hair, played around with make-up, see super sexy drag queens on youtube, watched Haunted Changi with her girlfriend till 2 in the morning while my sister's asleep, slept peacefully on the sofa then got disturbed by someone knocking on the door at 4.30am, THAT TOTALLY FREAKED ME OUT. Then the phone repeatedly rang countlessly in the dead of the night, and woke up at 3 again. Good life. I felt like they're my friends instead of my sisters \m/

And for the first time in manymany years i had a nice convo session with my cousin amir. Initially i was sitting alone at the bustop at 12 midnight waiting for my sister and i saw this boy crossing the road and waving at me. Ok i'm not gonna lie in my mind i was like, " Eww why the hell is he hitting on me. " HAAAHAHA. And it was nice. Ever since we've grown up, i've never even talked to him. It's like y'know how close we cousins used to be when we're little but when we've got older everything just got awkward. But that time we talked endlessly in the middle of the night.

Ok enuff rambling.

And wana know what, i love seeing my sister with her girlfriend. The other night before i go to sleep, i actually observed them. Like my sister would already be lying down on the floor and kak nad would tell her to get up and sleep on the other sofa and then cover her up with a blanket, give my sister a softer pillow so her head won't hurt. Then get herself pillows and and other blankets from inside the room and then she herself will sleep with us while she's on the floor. Damn that's really cute. And i'm like so happy seeing em like that. O one thing about my sister she'll always have some of her friends along when we're out together. And mostly her friends are like tall girls with jeans and aesics shoes and plaid shirts, leather jackets and short hair. Gosh i do wana hang out with em cool people sometime. And sometimes i do wish my sisters were my friends, cause they really act like one.

2011-04-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hi. Actually.... I already have a boyfriend.

2011-03-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

2011-03-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

Remember how i told you the other day i hate lipsticks? Now i'm seriously obsessed with em. This afternoon me and my beautiful elder sister went shopping around town and she was telling me to get something from the body shop and the first thing i grabbed was THAT GORGEOUS PINK LIPCOLOUR. Omg please help me i feel so girly and disgusting wearing reds and pinks on my lips but i really can't help it they're just so pretty.

2011-03-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

2011-03-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

So, me and efa got super psyched after some girl handed us the Imodel's namecard and wrote our names and number on a notebook and said that they're gonna call us later. I mean, how freaking cool is that?! So which means we do somehow look like models eh? Oh ya she did mention i look like tyra banks haaa OK FAKE. And so we were searching for the atm and i asked this aunty where it is and she said upstairs. So this annoying little bugger brought up a very interesting topic. Why are they still using UPSTAIRS? It should be up-scalator. Haaa very funny efa! And then we retardedly thought how hilarious it is that we were passing by a shop called Lalu. Kite tengah lalu kat lalu. Hurhur. And i bought a shaver, as in literally an electric shaver that is supposed to be used for leg hairs armpit hair, so that i can just shave my hair off. As in the hair on my head. My head. I don't know if it really works for head hair. I don't know.

And along the way efa asked me what type of girls do i date, if i've kissed a girl before, if i've ever held hands with a girl before. So we came across this conversation and then she suddenly said, " I liked this one girl, but she already has a girlfriend. "

OH MY F***ING GOD.

2011-03-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Aunty loves you forever and ever and ever forever twist

2011-03-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

I saw a freaking gorgeous turqouised coloured guitar yesterday and I swear I am sooo gonna get that.

2011-03-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

2011-03-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

Do you know how annoying it is to have a mother who doesn't even let you have a little bit of freedom even when you're at home? Who doesn't even let you talk on the phone till 2 in the morning. Who purposely lies beside you on the bed when she jolly well knows you're laying there talking on the phone about some teenage stuff you don't really want them to hear? Yet they still lay down there making out every word you're saying to your friend. And you just have to cut down saying the word "fuck" and replace it with "eff". And you just can't say WHAT THE FUCK but you're forced to spell out doubleyou-tee-eff so they would get confused and can't really make out what you're trying to say. And then they would just get up, go around the house, nag at you even tho it's already 2.15 am and doesn't give a damn about who is already asleep in the middle of the night. Then your sister would suddenly scream at you from the other room cause she's got so pissed hearing your mum's nagging, who then loves to sidetrack and nag about other things that doesn't gotta do with you talking on the phone. Then you have to face the embarrassment of having your friend on the other line hearing the chaos that's happening on your side of the line. It does get annoying. Please mom. I'm not trying to be rude. But please let me have my space for once.

2011-03-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

That strawberry's got two legs. That's totally freaking me out in the middle of the night i swear

2011-03-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

everyoneisgaydotcom. \m/

2011-03-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

Ok i had no idea but i woke up and played with my mum's lipstick. You know i hate lipsticks. And i was putting bows on my head trying to look like one of those pin up girls, FAIL. My mum was like " kau dah kenape ni pagi2 buta macam mak nenek " But wow. I've never imagined myself with red lips. Quite cool quite cool i feel like superstar baru bangun tidur ok done

2011-03-20T21:34:00.001-07:00

2011-03-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever i stepped into a club & it was omfg. Okay lemme tell you. There's plenty of pretty girls and cute butches and some flashing nipples. HAAA. Sweetttt ~ okay wait i was actually there to support one of our friends at the dance fiesta thingy and ingeli was also there and she was smokinggg! It was pretty sweet cause there's literally lotsa hugging and touching like, my god. Wow ofcourse all seven of us had fun. And y'know how we have to drink ONLY coke so me, ruven and efa went out for double chocolate. Hmmm so freaking good i tell you. Omg chinghan i want em pretty pictures pleaseee.
And then those boobs. The moment that latin dancer came out on stage wearing like that we knew something was gonna happen. And we were right. Jay was giving me panic faces, felicia was nudging me, i was grabbing efa and ruven was at the back smiling and rubbing his pants OK NOT. My god.

2011-03-20T00:59:00.001-07:00

2011-03-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

This sounds weird but i'm missing my ex colleagues. I miss ganga & michelle & weiwoon, fiona & pak din. Idk when i can see them again cause my dad say no need to work when i school already cause i must concentrate on my studies since rp is not really a recognise school. And these are the steps i am determine to take. Do well in school & get at least 2.8 gpa thingy then take license then after rp go take scholarship for overseas studies on my freaking don'tknowwhat course. I really don't wana waste my 3 years studying new media & do nothing with it after that. So i guess i shall learn about it as much as i can & have fun while i'm at it & try using it for my future. But one or two of my friends are being seriously fucking annoying. Cause y'know we don't really know wtfuck is new media since it's new & it wasn't the course i opted for. So she's been making fun of it saying it's gonna be a sucky course & shit like that. Well whatever fuck you atleast i'm taking a step forward in life now you go do something with YOUR life. Fuck it i'm pissed at everyone right now including my family & friends & shitty pathetic people around me who just deserves a fucking slap on their face
So last saturday my sister told me she had the best sister time with me ever. We went to sentosa with my beautiful niece after i went to my new school & everything from the taxi fare to the entry & the food, i paid for it and i felt so rich i swear. It feels good huh when you've got cash & you can just spend it without anyone like your mum telling you not to. Ahh it feels really good, like money don't really matter & you can just splurge on it HAHH OK. So after sentosa we came down to bugis and bought stuffs since everything's freaking cheap OMG!! Also the other day we went to Forum & ate at mac and there's this philipino intern kept staring at my sister because of my sister's partly shaved head. So she came over & asked why my sister would be so bold to do her hair like that & my sister was like " My younger sister got it too! " & the girl literally covered her mouth with her hands cause she didn't realise my hair was also like that. Whoaa she's cute! She said over at her country girls don't sport ridiculous hairstyles like this wow ok whoaa?

Nowadays my mum's been telling us what has been happening in our family & me and my sis get really fucked up. Now we've realised what a fucked up aunty we've got, what freaking retarded fucked up cousins we also have, along with our f-ed up grandma. You might find me rude for putting the F before my granny & stuff but trust me, that's the closest description my sister & I can give you. We even said this out loud to my mum. Urgh seriously.
I'm really obsessed with nail art these few days cause i think it looks super pretty. No not those long stupid acrylic nails you paste on your fingers to make you look like a slut with long seductively retarded nails. No not like that. FYI I HATE LONG NAILS i find NOTHING attractive about them all they do is just trap dirt & daki and that's awfully disgusting. I'm into black & white designs cause they look pretty cool & simple yet nice. The other day i went over mai's place & we paint her nails & it turns out GORGEOUSSSS ~ See i can be a future manicurist no kidding.
Okay enuff with my rant. I need to sleep and i really can't wait for this saturday!

2011-03-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

Ahh ~ tmrw's my last day at teleinfo & part of me don't wana leave. I would miss them, seriously. I will miss michelle i will really really miss cik din cause he's the only pakcik who is so fucking goodlooking over there. I will miss him calling me Amy. And do you know that they don't call me AMALINA. They call me marlina, amy & weird names like that. AND THEY DON'T CALL ME AMA, which is so embarassing. So anyway, michelle say anytime i want to i can come down & work at the retail store. So niceee. I will definitely work at the retail stores. So anyone when I start working please drop by at the starhub shop i'm working at and buy phones from me so i got more commision thanks.
Anyway yesterday my mum told me i can get my car license when i turn 18 & i really really really can't wait for that. I mean, she was also encouraging me to go get a license. I really really want to get one next year so i don't have to freaking take the transport & just drive to school. & i'll be like, " eh kau kat mane? Aku sampai in 30mins ade traffic jam. Besok tak skola? Kite jangan balik ah nari nanti aku hantar kau naik kereta. Ape, besok nak g johor? Ok set "

2011-03-06T03:34:00.000-08:00

Took me 3 hours to do that!

2011-03-06T02:47:00.000-08:00

kemarok webcam

2011-03-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

2011-03-03T07:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i'm fucking disappointed with myself. I blame others for treating me differently when i was the one being ignorant in the first place. Sometimes i really really miss you. I miss hanging out with you & being so close like we used to. But when i started thinking again, i get mad at myself for even letting you cross my mind. Now i'm fucking angry at myself & there's too many things i wana tell you but you're not even there to listen. I feel like screaming at you so you'll know how i really feel. I need to fucking know why & what i did wrong. But at least please tell me what happened cause i don't have any fucking idea what the fuck happened. I swear to god. Please it's annoying when you walk off & i'm left fucking clueless. You're acting like a fucking coward. Just please. Nobody walks outta your life without a reason. There must be one. But y'know what. I don't fucking care anymore I seriously don't. It happened so many months ago & i can't even believe i'm saying it out loud. Forget that I even mentioned this. Now fuck off.

2011-02-27T09:44:00.001-08:00

2011-02-27T09:39:00.000-08:00

Geez can she be my girlfriend.

2011-02-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

2011-02-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

2011-02-24T05:20:00.000-08:00

The Kids Are All Right - Freaking great movie.

2011-02-19T10:57:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I may be ignorant & you might think I'm playing around with your feelings. But no. You know very well how I feel about you.

2011-02-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

I kinda miss my long hair.

So my sister & I have not been talking since Wednesay cause we argued about hair wax. I wana kiss her & make it up to her :(

2011-02-13T04:16:00.000-08:00

First of all, I'm very pissed with ilyas after i gotta know the REAL reason why he can't join us yesterday. Second of all, don'tknow why but i miss mai & fared. No, as in i miss them separately. Not together but separately missing them at the same time. Lastly, I had serious fun yesterday with sharifah alone! We dressed up a lil bit more over than ever cause sharifah had this outrageous idea to dress up really nicely so we shall somehow look like some celebrity walking on the streets. Like you know, wear shades in the train & stuff like that. Okay no i'm just saying. We didn't actually do that. & seriously she looks like one. She got her long hair curled & she wore those gladiator heels. As in HIGH heels, tight faded jeans & jacket. She really really look like some star walking out of their car to get starbucks. & shepah reminds me of charice pempengco. HAHAHA so which means she DOES look like a celebrity. A psychotic celebrity. & i wasn't that outrageous tho. I just wore a leopard print tights & red furry jacket... No i'm just kidding. Okay what did i really wear yesterday? I wore black sneakers & grey pants & a white jacket. Yes that's that. So we ate at simpang bedok and trained to kallang to get the Yoguru yoghurt before iceskating. Really really nice man. But damn all the pictures are in my camera & i can't upload them yet. Urgh. So after that shepah taught me how to skate & she hold my hand ( aww ) & eventually i got used to it but i still had to hold her. So romantic y'know. Hold hand, skate, ice, 8pm at night. HAHAHA. & shepah was pestering me to go do a solo performance without holding on to anything at 9.30 and i want her to shut up. Hello i've been skating for only one and a half hours & you want me to skate alone. Are you kidding me?! So we feeling we were at London cause we wore blue gloves & shepah was wearing a rainbow beanie. A rainbow beanie. HAHAHA if you guys get that. & while going home, for the first time in my life i wore shepah's killer heels. Cause her feet got so tired wearing them all day so she wore my sneakers instead. & i look so fucking tall. I swear when i walked 3 steps my calves hurt. Oh gosh. But it's nice tho. I see reflection like sexy liddat. HAHAHIHIHUHU.
Okay i wana bring more friends when we go again next time. But yesterday was just awweesssoommeee! So, you wana come?

2011-02-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

So we went to the StarHub dinner & dance thing at Pan Pacific Hotel. It was so fucking sick i tell you! They gave away blackberries, LCD TV, 5 days trip to taiwan & japan & my colleague got a fucking laptop. That's sick. & it was fun tho. & i gotta meet Rabia in person! Usually i just pick up her call & she'll be asking for Michelle. So i'll be like, "Hello Rabia? Hold on ah i call michelle." And yes. That's that. We've never met. Geez. Pathetic much. And guess what i did today? I pick up lotsa calls. & there's lotsa people calling in for job application so i had to talk to them. & i felt so important doing that, really. hahahaha okay. Shab told me something. We just found out that during sex, people suck each other's muchus from their noses as an act of intimacy. I never knew people do such things. Really? Really?

" HARDER HARDER! YES YES! " ( blow nose as hard as you can )

I cut my hair 2 weeks ago. Not cut. I shaved it, only the left side of it. I got it shaved again today cause when you have really short hair, it seems to be growing very fast. & i saw yuki when i board the bus today & she was like Omg you shaved your head? So cool. But Cik Din who works wimme didn't like it cause he said i don't look girly and he told me to grow it out & don't cut it anymore. But no. I like it this way. I wana look different actually, not having typical long hair. & when i went to the hairdresser the guy was like, Are you serious? Daring ah you. And i was like 'Whatever can you shut the fuck up & fucking cut my hair. ' Okay no i'm just kidding.

Ahhh i'm fucking hungry right now got to go.

2011-02-05T09:05:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but i've started listening to Electrelane now cause their sound is so freaking good. & the other day i went over to HMV & wanted to get stereophonic's album but it was pointless. I could simply just download their songs on the web. & i really wanted to get T&S's outdated album too but it was another pointless idea. Haha. It's such an old album so it's kinda crap for me to get it now. & i don't really know what to do with albums anyway cause i never listen to them. So nah.
Btw i'm really looking for the book Essex County by don'tknowwho. I really wana get that book cause i heard it's really good. So please! Anyone. I do really get bored at home sometimes. The last time i went book-shopping with my elder sister was on june last year & now i am fucking bored with the same books on my shelf really seriously AHHHHH!
Ermm, anyway. Have you ever had the feeling when you know you really like someone but you're scared if your feelings are only like those stupid infatuations & little dumb crushes & it's not gonna last for long time? That's pretty much how i feel right now. Well maybe it is a crush. But i could have really gotten into her too. Idk. I don't wana care too much. I'm too young to care about things like this. Sometimes you just have to take a step back to know how that person really feels about you & that's what i'm trying to do.

2011-02-02T20:16:00.000-08:00

2011-02-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Hey hi hello. Imma very busy girl now. Everyday i have to wake up at 7.30 & shower & think hard of what to wear & reach my workplace at 9. I kinda like my job cause it's easy. But i hate it cause i get bored too easily. & when you get bored, you get tired & sleepy & your eyelids feels heavy. It's annoying. & i really get fucking bored facing papers & staplers everyday. It's no fun. & the collegues there are like robots. They came early, eat quick late lunch, get back to work & go back home at night. One more thing, they don't talk to each other. Another thing, when they use the computers, they will type so fast & the keyboard will be so noisy & their faces will be right at the screen. Weird. Now you can see how easily tired & bored i can get.
So today i went out with my larlings. Shabby just got her guitar so she brought it along. Initially we went to work but when shab reached, fiona was like, why are you here? You don't need to come. You can call your friend go home -.- so at 9am in the morning we go jamming at esplanade with this security guard & he taught us how to play I'm Yours. & guess what. We ate at Manhattan Fish Market & got this waitress who is so fucking goodlooking. So i was checking her out & we purposely called her out twice cause we wanted to see her closer. Haha. Omg that is pathetic. But she's got dimples & that bieber hair! So fucking cute.
& i went to the zoo last saturday to see charlie, with charlie. HAHAHA. Nah. That date was nice <3

2011-01-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

Tegan is so fucking hot i just have to kiss her

2011-01-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

2011-01-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD. I SO FUCKING WANA MARRY TEGAN QUIN & GET TO SMELL & TOUCH & KISS HER EVERYDAY & SLEEP WITH HER EVERY NIGHT & MAKE BABIES WITH HER. OMG TRUST ME. I'M FUCKING OBSESSED WITH THIS GIRL RIGHT THERE.

2011-01-10T10:37:00.000-08:00